“Trauma creates changes you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change that you do choose”.
Growing up we did not get the chance to choose what we wanted. Whether it was about what to eat, how we dressed, who our friends were, or anything else. It did not matter if the choice was for something small or not, it was never ours to make.
As adults, we find it hard to make choices for ourselves. We tend to question the decisions we do make. We overthink everything. Then we start to panic about if we made the right choice or we are just a screw-up.
For us, we have alters ranging in age from 6 to 60. It is hard to teach the younger ones to make their own decisions when Us older ones have an issue with it. It is equally difficult to be supportive of a decision made when we think it is the wrong one. But we try to let them work it out.
Healing is about getting to take all those bad tapes and rewriting them so your life can be more successful. It is about getting that opportunity to make the choices you want for your own life. Sometimes you will make the right decisions and things will turn out great. But there will also be times when you make the wrong decisions, and there will be struggles.
We are all human and mistakes happen. There will be times when the decisions we make are not also the best. But we get to make them! Every wrong decision is an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and about the world around us. Starting with the fact that we are capable of making decisions for ourselves.
Lately, our internal world has been in a bit of a panic. Ok, so we have been in a lot of panic. When an alter makes a decision that can affect all of us, we tend to worry more about the outcomes. Therapy has been great so far. It was a decision made by one alter, followed through with by another. Over time, therapy has become something we have each started to explore and accept as a positive choice. It’s not always easy. And we fight a lot; with each other and with our therapist. Yet we continue to go and hope for the best. It is a choice we made for ourselves. It is a choice to bring healing and continuity to us as a whole. While we don’t look for integration, we do seek to work together. This is our way to choose the change we want. Whether the daily or weekly outcome is positive or something we struggle with, we were able to choose the way we heal. And having a choice is the most important decision to healing!
A. G. Ballard