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Trust…and Second Chances

Not Everyone Will Like You…and that is okay!

Recently we had this misfortune to find the person we placed trust in was, well, not so trustworthy. It seems that one thing would be said to pacify me and let me feel safe, while at a different time discrediting that very statement.

I know that is vague, but it happens every day. It is hard for a survivor to place trust in anyone. So when it happens, it shouldn’t be taken for granted. As with anyone, we need to feel that our thoughts, words, and emotions are validated. We need to know we are heard. We need to know we are respected.

No matter how a person feels or what they say, trust is not something that we need to play with or take lightly. Rather it is one of those things that takes a long time to give and once it’s broken, it may never be repaired.

Does that mean you shouldn’t try to restore broken trust? Will it ever be the same? Does it need to be the same?

Most say trust can never be restored nor will it be the same. Once it is broken, you will never trust that person again. For a long time, we believed that once trust was broken then it was done. We were done with that person. We started questioning ourselves, our abilities, and even our worth. It’s a natural reaction for someone who has been let down by important people in our lives (like family, therapists, doctors, police, and even friends). We close ourselves off from people for a while, rebuild that proverbial wall around our heart, and refuse to let anyone in.

Today, I have been thinking about second chances though. What if trust can be repaired. We know trust won’t be the same, but what if it can be better the second time around? What if that stumbling block was just that, a stumbling block. Not one that is impossible to climb or work through. Do you take a chance? Knowing you have been hurt so many times in the past, how do you reconcile taking a second chance on someone?

There are no guarantees in life. For some of us, that part really sucks. If only we had a crystal ball so we could see the future and know if taking a chance was a positive decision or one to be avoided. Guess only time will tell…

A. G. Ballard

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